Brief confession how I got to the place where I am now - with God
I have beautiful, adorable granddaughter who is six years old already, but my real life begun somewhere just a 5 years ago. Till that, the same as Paul who was zealous his time religion's defender, I too was extremely zealous for the traditions of Catholicism. And although God was calling out to me many times through my life, I followed the stubbornness of my heart; I followed the baals and believed in all Catholic’s traditions as they and my family taught me. For although my soul knew God I neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but my thinking was futile and my foolish heart was darkened. I was taken captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on mere human teachings and traditions rather than on God.
Because of that, now I deeply can feel and understand other people; I know how hard it is to leave old believes in what we have blindly believed without any basis and without even asking, is that what we believe the Truth.
I believed in religion and its system. What is Bible I did not really know until God literally put it into my hands. Previously I thought that the Bible is just a religious book and what good can be there in "that" Bible. I never wanted to read it or study; nonetheless circumstances did fall so that I had no other option as begin to read it. At first time I made it through one year and very strangely things begun to change. Now I must say that it was new lives' beginning and now I can compare myself with the person who entire life has lived in the dark wood and suddenly was brought out of it into absolutely unfamiliar, great city, very splendid and beautiful. That was unique, in words inexpressible experience, but also time with beyond human comprehension of wars and struggles within me. That was time, when I understood nothing and really thought that am going mad.
However, I continued to read the Bible and searched through all accessible sources information about God and Bible, but question remained - where is the Truth - in the Bible or in the Catholic’s teaching?
Through the secular literature, through the interned and the Bible itself, I was seeking for evidence that the Catholics are right, - sadly I did not find any proof to that, nonetheless in my mind I continued to be catholic. Struggle between that of Catholics teaching and that of the Bible were enormous, so I boldly went to the catholic pastor for answers with hope that he will shed some light into my troubled soul and mind. Nevertheless to my great astonishment after my first question, he got up from his bench and very kindly let me know that I have to leave. The word "shock" is to small describe what I felt. But ok. In couple of days I regained peace with that, and somehow understood that it is God who leads us; all questions has been answered already in the Bible; Jesus is the only Teacher, our great Master, and it is His Spirit who guides us into all the Truth. No human being is so great that he can be right and know everything. Every human being is subject to make mistakes and be in wrong, no matter how wise he/ she is. But God knows everything, nothing is hidden from Him. Without the Spirit of God man can obtain the greatest knowledge of all, but wisdom and understanding about who God is and how to live the life, can be hidden anyway.
That was time also when after the discoveries how religions come into existence and was formed, my heart begin to fill with anger, frustration and even hatred towards religion as such; I needed almost a year to get rid of that. For all my family are serving (and I served) everything and anything else, except the God of Bible. But God is kind, compassionate and helps us with everything. He healed my soul and filled me with love towards the lost. God is love; He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Sooner or later, but every knee will bow before Him and every tongue will acknowledge that He is the only God. Absolutely matters not in what denomination person is in - catholic, Muslim, protestant, Buda etc... For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. We can not understand what is going on for now, and certainly we can not see what is in the person's heart. Maybe outwardly, only seemingly to others he/ she is looking to idols and act against God's commands, but in the heart he/ she is with God; maybe that person is already on the way to God; maybe God is waiting just for right time to save that person. We can not know that. But all who have already Christ in them and are living in His light should spread and keep light around them shining so that everybody see it.
Now, please understand, I do not judge anymore nobody, even myself, for as I said we can not see what is in the persons' heart; we even do not know what is in our own hearts. Therefore I do not judge and reason others or myself anymore, and do not care when am judged by others. Keep your consciences clear, judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart...
Ok, I begin to wander off of the point. So, that was the time, when the prince, the ruler of this world did not wanted let me go to do what God begin in me. The closer I draw to God, the harder was his efforts to keep me away from Him. But also he was defeated by Christ Himself so that all my fears just disappeared and now at nights I sleep as a just born baby. Briefly it could be said this way - at the first three years as I made my first, unsteady steps towards God, there was depression and physical weariness, and other great and small evils in my life. I fought all spiritual battles what ever there they are. For long month I was partly on the bed. There were fear, impetuousness, anxiety, uncertainty about everything, problems with the heart and often panic appeared out of nowhere; there were days and weeks lost so that later I did not know what I was doing in that time. There were nights when I awoke and felt tick, black and scare darkness around me, and by the name of Jesus only it went away. It was time which from the point of my humanly understanding, I am not able yet to explain or understand.
But to all things, visible and invisible, to all what have beginning, have also the end. All those horrible symptoms just disappeared as I according to the written Word of God renewed my mind daily. This is why my, rather Jesus' website has the name "Rest In the Truth." For as long as person do not know who God is and what He is saying, his or hers suffering, longing, searching, seeking and struggling will continue. For from God we have come and to Him we shall return. One can have all the riches of all the world, but without God more or less the struggles and sense of unfulfilment, sense of unworthiness will remain, and souls will be sick. Without God human being is as a tender, unguarded and very vulnerable dandelion fuzz only to flutter knowing not where wind will blow it next. For that reason I pray for people may God touch their hearts and lives, so that they seek and find safety and peace in Him... now I can only say that during those first years the painful, incomprehensible and dark inner struggle did come to the end and new life accompanied by peace begun. Yes, there are some present consequences of that what I did in my old life because of ignorance about God's teachings, but in my soul and mind I have joy and peace which no one can take away from me anymore.
Nonetheless, this peace was not and are not so that now "just live on." No, it come with the fire in my heart to help people and tell them that God, who created the heavens and the earth and all people loves us with great, tender, compassionate love. God loves you no matter who you are and what you have done, or are doing now. He loves you just because you are, for He created you as you are.
Further, at that time God also gave me translation job and it helped me greatly to see the truth about Him even more. Later I got involved in the prayer answering business which helped me again even more. For in regard to marriage, godly living etc, etc, etc, I needed more to study, more to pray and to read in order to help people appropriately. That was huge responsibility for me. But God more and more begun to show me how much people's lives are empty and destroyed as they are living under religious darkness serving supposed gods, higher powers and many other things, except Him. Reading the forums where people discuss things about God, I do see how the name of holy, righteous, loving God is distorted and abused just becouse of religion's teachings and practices; people often even do not want to hear about Him because directly they are thinking about religion, not the loving God. But ok, that is another topic and God Himself will bring all things back in order in the right and appropriate time.
In that time still with some great struggles, I also got baptised, even for a while I fought against that thought. But again, God pressed it on my heart so heavy, that one morning I had no more any power to say 'NO' and miraculously I found friendly congregation, met with their pastor Hin, and he kindly agreed to baptise me. Actually unbelievable miracle happened on that day. Although I already was free from many anxieties and fears and other evil things, but there still were times, when I did fall into inexplicable darkness. I walked, I talked and did all things, but when I come to my senses, I could never remember what I had been doing in that time. Also in conversation with pastor Hin I remembered only the beginning of that conversation. After first words of 'hello, how are you and I need to be baptised,' in a split of second I felt, I am sinking into something. Only in the late afternoon I come to my full senses remembering not what we discussed and how I got home; but I already was used to that, so did not really paid attention. As time went by, only some time later I did realised that that strange "falling into something" is gone. That 'something' was gone and never returned. When full year went by, I understood that that thing really is gone, and that was miracle which just happened. Yes, I got baptised in a coming weeks, and it was a party for me, and I know that all the angels in heaven were partying together with me.
There still where great amount of questions and some kind of struggle, but it was just a process of renewing mind.
Later on I agreed with my heart, or more correctly could be said, I followed the encouragement of God my Father and begun to make this website where you are now. Blind typing I already has as a gift from my Father previously when I still did not acknowledged His name, but to write I needed to learn. I think all of you know that to think and to know is one thing, but when it must be put on paper, it must be learned. Now I remember it with humour, but my writing experience begin with some real struggle. Sometimes for hours I was sitting and trying to put on paper one thought. But with time it went easier and faster, but I am still learning to write.
That also was the time when I was convinced that if only I will write that God loves people and that who He really is apart from religion, people will understand. But no, it was not that way and only now I understand it. But it is very ok, for there is a proper time and procedure for every matter; just again I pray for all people who yet do not know God as theyr Father and Lord Jesus Christ as theyr Saviour and Redeemer, may they seek and find faster so that it do not turn out for them to be to late...
That also was the time when my friends started to look at me "strangely" and lovingly wanted to save me from that what I am doing. But in spite of everything and anything, this website in 2014 of August, come to see the light. My heavenly Father made all the circumstances so good, that I had time and power to make it.
Now I study at the CLI, (Christian Leaders Institute) third semester has begun and how things will be further, I do not know. But what I know is that nothing can separate me from the love of my Father. I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus my Lord.
Now I do all I can to write strictly accordingly to that what God is teaching. Even though it is not always easy for that simple reason that the same way as Paul needed to make a bridge to the Jews conservative thinking to explain them simple truth about new life, so that somehow they can accept the Truth about Lord Jesus Christ, in nowadays is the same. People's thinking are so polluted by the worldly, religious and other things, that always when it comes close to what God is saying, the devil cuts in and good work can be done for nothing.
Actually I must to add that in my first writings there can be felt a little bit my anger in regard to religion, but I hope the reader will understand and forgive me for that. The main thing what all of us must understand is that in the same way as 2+2 equals 4, the Truth is only one and that is revealed in the pages of Bible. God is true, just and will never change. What He has said, no man are allowed to alter to his/ her own needs, wishes, feelings or anything else. God first! His Word is unchangeable RULE for all and everything, and He is the only wise, true and unchangeable God.
Also my heart is filled with grief when I see the crowd left without Shepherd, all those masses following the pope and other countless idols in this world. That is one scare thing, but I pray may God rescue all of us and protect us from any harm, pain and evil.
So, here after this my brief confession I have come to the end of my very brief story how it happened and who I am today - beloved daughter of God. Now I am sound, free, renewed, regenerated, restored, healed, cleansed, washed, purified, sanctified and upholded as the blameless child of God in the Lord Jesus Christ my Saviour, Redeemer and Shepherd by all the angels in heaven, for God my lovingly Father watches over me closely. I am His beloved daughter.
At the conclusion I want to pray for you. I ask God may He fill you with desire to seek the Truth. May you do not let your precious life to be destroyed just because of what you have learned from family and your current environment. Seek always strong affirmation to that what you believe and know, and ask always for the truth to be revealed to you. The same what Jesus told to the Jews, I am now telling you: "seek the truth, and the truth will set you free." The most important what I wanted to say through these words is that not always things what we see, know, understand and feel are true. From God we all have come and eventually to Him we all will return. There will not be any denomination. There will be only love and worship. The heavens and the earth will disappear, but the Word of God will stand forever. For that reason seek that narrow path, seek the Truth and His Righteousness. Seek Life which our Lord Jesus Christ come to give us. The Word of God is who will bring you long life, joy, peace and prosperity here on earth, and full assurance about your future. In the Word of God there is a love and faithfulness which will lead you and be with you always. All Commands of God are a health and nourishment to all your body. God is not in the religion. Seek for wisdom and knowledge. As well as long you will follow your feelings, it will bring eventually suffering or necessity to adapt to the situation in which you have put yourself in, simply by following and believing your feelings. Believe and follow the Word of God only for only there is a lasting peace and joy. In this world have many evils and the book of Revelation clearly explains the cause of all the evil in this world. But Jesus overcome the world and so now also you are overcomer. Choose to be overcomer no matter what! Because greater is Jesus who lives (if He lives) in you, and not he who lives in the world.
Now I do all I can to increase and spread the Word of living God; so that the oppressed, depressed, sick and needy see the light in their current situation. To help set people free and show that even in this hurting world there is a possibility to live in peace with joy in hearts, and love around. In any case, my heart's desire is to save and rescue as much as possible souls from going down to the pit; from this age pain, evil, suffering, from religious bondages etc.